The Special One sided photocopying

Jose Mourinho yesterday dropped his biggest hint yet that he may be returning to England - to work in admin. " English offices are the envy of the world" said the Special One " In Portugal if you work in an office and the phone rings you immediately answer it, in England when the phone rings you can just bow your head at the desk and mumble something about being " locked out".

" In Portugal " the Real Madrid honcho continued " you normally eat at breakfast and then have to wait until at least lunch time until you can eat again, in England you have breakfast and then by ten minutes past nine in the morning, people start breaking out orange clubs and twiglets. It's like Christmas day every day. Plus you all get to wear swipe cards to enter buildings, it must be like working for the CIA"

Jose Mourinho - "Intimidating" array of spreadsheets 

Mourinho, it appears,  is no stranger to administration, as deputy to Bobby Robson at Sporting Lisbon he would often take it upon himself to write replies to player's fan mail and when Portuguese television showed a behind the scenes documentary on Sporting in the late 90's the producers of the documentary found a highly detailed, extensive collection of spread sheets (purportedly compiled by Mourinho) which one current employee at the club described as " intimidating".

The Special One's latest comments have got social media buzzing, with many suggesting that it is just an extension of his renowned mischievous sense of humour. " I'm not so sure" said Simon Tarr, freelance journalist and friend of Mourinho during his time at Chelsea, " rumour has it that the minute Roman (Abramovic) heard this he immediately issued a memo demanding that the club procure the most up to date stationery in an effort to lure Jose back. I've also heard on the grapevine that Abramovic is personally overseeing the development of a franking machine based on ancient Egyptian technology."

Whether Mourinho's intentions are genuine or not  there is no doubting his enthusiasm for this area of work. " In England you play this office game called " Who would you do?" where you take 2 unattractive people, one say from the mail room and the other one from accounts and you then  have to say which one you'd have sex with. In Portugal this is not possible to play. "

" Is that because you're too busy working?" quipped one journalist " No " was  the firm response " we have no unattractive people in Portugal "

And who are we to argue.