Baby Blues

A report out today will highlight the lengths men will go to, to avoid looking at, commenting on or touching the baby of a work colleague. The report argues that more and more British men are finding ways to excuse themselves from the office rather than lie about how happy and beautiful their colleague's baby is.

The most popular methods of escaping this ordeal appear to be pretending to be on the phone with no one on the line, suggesting that you've got " some thingy" that needs doing  and in one instance jumping through a 10 storey glass window.  

We emailed the findings of the report to the editor and founder of  baby bragging website - Babeeze. " I'm not surprised. " said website founder Michelle Brown " And it's something that irks me immensely. The day I gave birth was the greatest day of my life so why don't people whom I rarely acknowledge share the same sense of pride?" 

We asked Wiz Neegal, editor of Wankz magazine for a male perspective. " If it's your kids you don't mind but the last thing you want to do is dish out attention to some stranger. They're gonna get attention when they grow up and make the front pages of the tabloids so if anything I think we're doing them a favour."

" You wouldn't mind if they brought their kids into the office at 17.00 cos you can make the excuse of needing to get home. But they always bring them in just after lunch, right when you're at your most vulnerable. Plus in winter they're normally full of baby viruses like small pox and I'm right at the limit of my full sick pay allowance."

" Data protection's also an issue " continued Neegal " how do we know that they're not the latest Japanese robot baby with camera inplants in their eyes photographing our personal information. One minute you're making coochie coochie noises at baby Alfie and the next minute Afie's got an Uzi and a Bentley and living in the Caymen Islands. " 

We asked the National Office for Data Protection if it was possible that babies could pose a threat to the protection of personal information. " I very much doubt it " said a spokesman " quite frankly if a 6 month old baby who's not even walking or talking can remember sort codes and 7 digit bank account numbers, well they probably deserve the money" *

* Since this interview was conducted the National Office of Data Protection have confirmed that they don't condone  financial scamming by babies